Well I would be annoyed if I wasn't sick with this evil cold. A cold foot from hell that crushes my brain, drains salt from my eyes and has ignited my nose in a stinging discomfort.
No I'm not annoyed.. not any longer. I was annoyed Thursday. I admit that without defending it. I was annoyed by the continued pressing of a singular idea from the class. "You cannot do this."
I cannot create a journey. Should I instead create a singular scene?
Should the scene be heavy with the dialog I so desperately want it to be? I could do that.
Shall I also wrap it in abstraction? have movements and additions that make no reasonable defense as to their importance? I could do that.
But will I feel like I will have locked myself to creating this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqd3XtX23l8
Ignore the dialog. I have visuals that have been inspiring appreciation. Paintings with a texture and gravity that has captured something grand. I should focus on those instead. I could do that.
Perhaps I can give them a little bit of an animated push instead. I planned on letting my clouds live and spark with a little energy.
But will I feel like I have locked myself into creating this?
http://www.effectgames.com/demos/canvascycle/
Perhaps I should avoid animating events. Perhaps I should freeze my work into a wall of frames. Or I should enshrine my progress within a book. An idea I had near the end of a semester past once entertained. Some believe that turning the pages of a book bring about the same connection and discovery as a game as simple as mine.. So I could do that...
But I cannot do that. I cannot yet yield to the challenge before me. I appreciate my peer's sound and reasonable advice. I don't doubt their sincerity in wishing me success in my work. But I cannot Back away from my goal yet. These other doors won't close until the eve is upon me. And I walk a hallway that still has such doors branching off from it. The hall becomes shorter as I continue to walk forward. But I have not reached the end yet. I'm more focused than ever. I'm even happy I've got a crowd who I can shock and wow when I pull off the impossible vision....but it must be a dream. I'm too much a cynic these days to not believe things will go sour.
Its a funny thing but I feel like I should add this now. There is such a strange feeling within this studio. These works are clearly our own. And yet I see more often than not a disagreement in what is to be done with a piece. How many times have a reached out and asked another "is there something I can do to help?" does it outnumber the times I have said "I don't think you should do that?"
I say this because we really tore into the pieces and ideas presented to us Thursday. We did not ask Ellen if we could have helped make her work come to fruition. Instead we demanded and dictated and forced Ellen to bend her ideals to our view. I have not felt so guilty before in a critique and yet I know that I have in all likely hood done similar dictations in the past.
I don't know.. I got annoyed Thursday when it happened to me. So I'm not some innocent party when I contributed to the same feelings Ellen may have felt.
They are right. I cannot do what I've outlined this week to others. It is not reasonable given my engagements, illness and abilities. I should cut my losses....I don't want this post to end the way it does but....................................................................grade be damned. Emotion be damned. I just hate the way this week has turned out. Here is to a better week to come. I have work to do so excuse me. I cannot compose any more thoughts about this now.
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